The Paradoxical Theory of Change comes from Gestalt Psychotherapy which, in turn, comes from the age-old ideas of Zen and Buddhism. The central idea is that the more we Allow, the less we try to change things, the more we change. We have to learn that forcing change is nowhere near as effective as letting things be, allowing. Take meditation, for example. If, when we meditate, we tell ourselves we have to sit in a certain upright posture in order to have peaceful feelings, we are doomed to failure. If we allow ourselves to be just as we are, we will experience ourselves wanting naturally to be more upright, our head will leave us alone, our feelings will become calmer. No amount of forcing or demanding will do that; in fact, they will have the opposite effect.