Are you feeling bored, empty, moody, just stuck? If so, you are not alone. It is very common to feel like this. That doesn’t make it less uncomfortable, even painful. It isn’t just the feeling; it’s the thoughts that go with the feeling that make us even worse. We feel judged by others and we judge ourselves harshly. Such punishing judgement coming from all sides makes us feel even worse. We feel more worthless, embarrassed and ashamed, and it’s not surprising we dislike ourselves.

The problem is we were never taught how to get out of this place of discomfort, because our parents and teachers were never taught.

Yet there is a way to feel better, and it has been used successfully for thousands of years in Buddhism, and now in counselling and psychotherapy. It is a simple technique that can release us from these feelings right now.

Revifer, The Technique of Allowing

When we find ourselves stuck and unable to escape our stuckness it is because we have two powerful forces warring against each other inside us that do not let go. The first force is the emotion we wish to escape from, this could be a sense of boredom, anger, sadness, jealousy, moodiness, loneliness, embarrassment, shame, self hate, passivity, emptiness, void. It could be any one or a number of those. The second force is the force that wants to get rid of the feeling but doesn’t know how. It complains and judges ourselves for being negative. This reaction to our emotions makes us feel worse. Indeed it is the self judgement and self criticism which is our biggest problem. It is this that keeps us in our hell. This reaction of self judgement and self criticism to our discomfort is an automatic, unintelligent habit. We react in this way to even the slightest of discomforts.


The way to feel better and get rid of these negative feelings is to allow the negative feelings and let them be. This is the magic trick. Normally we never do this, we are always looking to escape and distract. But if this doesn't work we are left with judging and criticising ourselves for feeling negative which makes us feel even worse. If we can simply allow our feelings of discomfort, 'be' our feelings of discomfort, sooner or later they will go away. Allowing is the third and resolving force. When we allow we will then find ourselves feeling calmer, quieter in the head, stiller in the body and endowed with a general sense of confidence and well-being. This is a technique that is always available to us, it is repeatable and will transform our lives.

So whenever feeling you are completely fed up try the following method.

Step 1:

Go somewhere where you can be on your own for a while. Allowing is much more difficult when there are other people around. It can be done anytime, anywhere, and is useful and powerful, but it is easier when you are on your own. Other people divert our attention away from the effort of allowing and it needs our full attention.

Step 2:

Do nothing else apart from allowing. If some of our attention is on the internet, the tv, or even making a cup of tea, our attention is divided, we need to concentrate entirely on Allowing.

Step 3:

Sitting is the best position. We can be standing or walking, or even lying down. (although when we are completely flat it is difficult not to fall asleep). Sit however you want, upright, slumped; it doesn’t matter, whatever you feel like. Let the posture change if that’s what you want to do. If you find yourself fidgeting, then fidget; if you are comfortable upright, be upright. But allow your posture to be however you find it from moment to moment. Don’t ‘do’ your posture, let the body do what it wants.

Step 4:

Don’t try to stop your thoughts. Allow your thoughts and your inner conversations. Allow the silence if there are no thoughts. Allow whatever is going on in the head to go on.

Step 5:

Don’t try to calm down. If you feel calm then allow that, if you feel anxious allow that, whatever you are feeling from moment to moment, - allow.

Allow yourself to be exactly as you are from moment to moment. It is this allowing, and not trying to stop our thoughts, calm our feelings or be still that has the effect of quietening the mind, calming the emotions and stilling the body.

If this exercise makes you feel more tense, then it means you are not allowing yourself to be as you are. It will come. It’s a knack that gets easier the more you practice.